The Competition of Suffering

Identity foreclosure, a term I discovered while writing this, is a psychological phenomenon where people build their entire sense of self around specific life outcomes . Careers, spouses, lifestyles they'll lead. When those outcomes don't materialise, they construct elaborate explanations for how and why the world failed them instead of making the necessary adjustments. They seek scapegoats and blame systems.

Zero accountability.

Identity foreclosure has created a generation of professional whingers, where the majority seem to fall into the 35+ age bracket. My authority on this topic is based on 2 things.

I am a middle-aged man, and I detest whingers.

This is a generalisation based on observations and personal experiences.

The Phenomenon

Walk into any workplace and you'll hear him. The middle-aged guy who spends 30 minutes complaining about old sporting injuries, how much he hates his job, or how "life's challenges" painted love handles, a beer gut and man boobs on his once athletic physique. Meanwhile, between bites of his meat pie and sexist comments, he'll be imparting the rules of masculinity on younger men.

Hit the gym and she's there. The divorced lady who turns every casual conversation into a therapy session about toxic masculinity and rigged dating apps. Blaming gender inequality for her weight gain and inability to find a mate, while simultaneously rejecting every suggestion for self-improvement.

These behaviours aren’t just annoying. They're symptoms of people whose expected identity collapsed and chose narrative over adaptation. The middle-aged guy mourning the athlete he never rebuilt. The divorcee blaming systems to protect herself from addressing a failed marriage.

Some complaints are legitimate. Workplace discrimination exists. Dating apps are genuinely terrible. The housing market is a mess. But there's a difference between identifying real problems and using them as permanent crutches.

My generation seems to have perfected the art of weaponising struggle. They've turned mental health terminology into shields for poor choices and excuses for basic responsibilities.

"I'm triggered." "I'm overwhelmed." "I'm processing trauma."

Concepts hijacked to avoid accountability. They're the same ones who lecture 20-year-olds about resilience while calling in sick because "Mercury is in retrograde."

The Anatomy of Whinge Culture

Learned helplessness masquerading as self-awareness. When faced with the gap between expectations and reality, we have two choices. Change the behaviour or change the narrative. Whingers choose the narrative.

Instead of rebuilding their identities around new possibilities, they'll narrate dramatic stories about how they were sabotaged and robbed of opportunity. It's easier and safer to blame external forces than admit the self-concept was flawed from the start.

Complaining serves multiple functions. It generates attention and sympathy, creates a sense of control through storytelling, and most importantly, provides validation for self-imposed internal struggles. When someone responds with "oh, that's terrible," it confirms their suffering is real and justified, excusing them from having to actually fix what's broken.

They're trapped in a feedback loop where victimhood becomes identity.

The Timeline of Whinge

The Boomers (1946-1964): The post-world war tribe. Clear hierarchies and lifetime employment. They internalised that hard work equals success, period. Their psychological framework was built on delayed gratification and stoicism. Their complaints are nostalgic, not therapeutic.

Gen X (1965-1980): The OG "forgotten generation." Misfits who learnt self-reliance early. They witnessed their parents' job security evaporate and adapted with cynicism and independence. Raised on MTV, divorce rates and economic uncertainty, they learned to expect disappointment. They complain with dark humour and political incorrectness.

Millennials (1981-1996): My tribe. Here's where identity foreclosure became an epidemic. Raised by parents who praised participation over achievement, we entered adulthood expecting the world to care about our feelings. We witnessed the erosion of traditional career paths and the birth of the creator economy. Our psychological framework was built on external validation and emotional expression. When shit hit the fan (housing crisis, 9/11, 2008 recession), we had the vocabulary of therapy but not the resilience of past generations.

Gen Z (1997-2012): Digital natives who grew up with social media as reality. They're simultaneously more anxious and more pragmatic than Millennials. Having watched us struggle, they're sceptical of traditional paths and more entrepreneurial. Their complaints are strategic. They use social platforms to build movements and create change, not just to vent. Whingers? Yes. But the crafty bastards are using it to their advantage.

Why the Whinge is Amplified in the Middle-Aged

The current middle-aged population, primarily older Millennials and younger Gen Xs, hit their formative years during a perfect storm. We were sold the Boomer dream but received the Gen X reality. We were taught to express emotions but not how to regulate them. Encouraged to be authentic while being punished when being real.

Complaining became a way of processing this crisis while avoiding the hard work of identity reconstruction. Erik Erikson called this "generativity vs. stagnation" - the need to contribute meaningfully or face existential emptiness. When what we believed were markers of success (dream jobs, financial stability, successful marriages) feel elusive, we default to creating narratives that explain the gap.

Workplaces amplify this by rewarding emotional labour over actual productivity. "Sharing your struggles" became professional currency. Mental health awareness, while important, created a culture where personal problems became acceptable conversation topics, then eventually became competitive advantages.

The bird who sings saddest song gets the worm.

Yes, the struggle is real. Housing prices, job insecurity, rapid tech advancement, skyrocketing cost of living - these are all real. But instead of channelling the frustration into action, many choose the comfort of complaint.

How to Fix the Whinge

I don't think it's about shaming emotional expression or dismissing legitimate struggles. But feeling helpless and believing you're helpless are two different things. Feelings can be addressed and processed. Beliefs can be challenged.

We can recognise identity foreclosure for what it is: a trap that keeps people stuck in victim mindsets instead of moving toward growth.

We need brutal honesty about the difference between venting and problem-solving. Venting has its place - we all need to decompress. But when every conversation becomes a therapy session, you're not processing; you're performing.

We need to separate legitimate systemic issues from personal responsibility. Yes, the system is rigged in many ways. We either master the rules or learn to navigate.

Whingers aren't inherently terrible people. They're people caught in a pattern that rewards the wrong behaviours. People who have unknowingly weaponised mental health awareness.

Younger generations watching this can learn the difference between processing emotions and performing them. Acknowledging struggle is important. Getting stuck in it? A choice.

And for the rest of us? Maybe a minute or two in the confession box of hard conversations might do us good. When the identity we built doesn't match the reality we're living,

change the identity, not the narrative.