Purpose over Pity

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes."

 -William James

I was curious about mental health after watching a Jubilee video –

 "1 Capitalist vs 20 Anti Capitalists."

What struck me wasn't the politics, but how every single anti-capitalist seemed to carry this hopeless, defeated energy. Mental health kept coming up in their arguments, along with related struggles. That got me digging into how we even approach mental health, which led me to Sigmund Freud and Alfred Adler. I'll attempt to explain these two philosophies from my own perspective as I understand them.

Sigmund Freud saw someone's mental health problems as a direct correlation to their past. His solution: dig deep, uncover the root trauma, drag it into the light and relive the emotions to purge them. Decode dreams and behaviours to uncover hidden meanings. Once the person truly understood their unconscious motivations, they could make conscious changes to achieve lasting change. Years of archaeological digging into someone's mind which was probably a fortress.

Alfred Adler had a different approach.

While he acknowledged how our past impacts our current state, his solution wasn't centred on reliving trauma but by dialling in on achieving goals and developing purpose. Analysing current behaviour and identifying strengths. Reframing perceptions and empowering the individual to take full ownership of their current situation with goal orientated solutions rather than just focusing on history.

These are very basic explanations on very complex philosophies. But in a nutshell, that's my understanding.

So why was Freud's approach the one widely adopted?

Here's a few reasons I found interesting:

• It was the first scientific sounding explanation of mental illness. Prior to Freud, the widely accepted causes of mental health issues were a bit on the woo and stoic side of things. Demonic possession, moral weakness and bad character.

• It was trendy amongst intellectuals and the wealthy. Because it was such a deep insight and lengthy treatment process, its complexity was attractive to the scholars and rich of the time. Any solution that was seen as too simple or affordable was beneath them.

• It was more profitable. Freuds solution saw an accelerated upgrade in a space that had otherwise gone unnoticed. Mental health facilities, mental health experts and pharmaceutical treatments saw massive spikes in profit margins and private enterprise opportunities.

Anything can be weaponised if there's enough motivation. Mental health is no different.

This is a touchy subject, and I can only speak from my own lived experiences.

I've witnessed the transition from mental health being a dirty secret everyone was ashamed to speak about to being openly discussed over coffee. It feels like we've gone from one extreme to the other.

We've gone from not sharing a single feeling to people sharing staged videos of themselves crying about their struggles, while cinematic music plays in the background. Fathers who never showed emotion to fathers encouraging participation trophies for kids who do the bare minimum.

Mums who built homes to mums who spend more time on TikTok living their "best lives". Kids who learned to navigate playground politics now take days off for sensory overload.

I believe in therapy, and I think it's a powerful tool. I encourage anyone and everyone to talk and share when needed. But I also lean towards the Adler approach, especially in today's world where we have a culture that already struggles with personal accountability.

I've witnessed examples of therapy encouraging victimhood. I've worked and been around adults who use past experiences to excuse their shitty behaviour and therapy to justify their excuses. I've watched relationships end after a decade because blaming trauma was easier than sitting down and having tough conversations. We've got groups of people blaming their obesity on marketing and culture rather than putting down the fork. Single middle-aged people blaming the opposite sex for the fact they offer nothing to attract a partner.

This subject is sensitive because people would rather find a scapegoat than an actual solution. I know this because I've sampled both self-respect and self-pity. Believe me, they're both addictive.

The Adler solution has its flaws but at its core provides a blueprint that could benefit anyone who isn't too busy singing "poor me" tunes.

• Focus on now not your childhood archaeology. This is the hardest part when what happened occurred at a time when you weren't strong enough to protect yourself.

• Build on your strengths instead of endless trauma analysis

• Pivot as many times as you need instead of accepting patterns that don't serve you.

• Purpose vs paralysis. Find a mission. Do work and find hobbies that fulfill you.

"He, who has a WHY, can bear almost any HOW"

-Nietzsche

This won't sit well with many who read this. Because it’s true, we have become a culture that struggles with personal accountability. It's evident in daily interactions with each other and the lack of courtesy and respect. Social media trolling from behind the safety of screens. In our relationships where we refuse to admit fault.

But when you've got reasons bigger than your pain, you can endure almost anything. I've watched people survive unimaginable trauma when they had something worth fighting for. Kids to raise, a promise to keep, a passion to chase. I've also seen others crumble over minor setbacks because they had nothing anchoring them to purpose. I’ve been close to both sides, and I choose the former every time.

It isn't strength, luck or circumstance. It's having something that matters more than comfort, fear and excuses. Most people are miserable not because their problems are too big, but because their purpose is too small.

 I can only speak from my own lived experiences. Everything in my life is my fault. Good or bad.

So I refuse to break bread with the ghosts of the past.

Refuse to dig in the ruins of yesterday.

That boy died and is buried with any other painful memories that try to define me today.

 It means I can't blame anyone for my failures but also, no one can take credit for my wins.

I like those odds.